Monday, December 17, 2012
Outreach
“I am lonely, yet not everybody will do. I don’t know why, some people fill the gaps and others emphasize my loneliness.”
So I am not one of those amazing social butterflies, you know the ones...the ones with a million friends they seem to have endless energy for. But more than anything I am craving, literally starving, for a close friend or two. Even going so far as to check out craigslist personals...how embarrassing!
Its most likely the strangest part of me, Of my infj-ness, I kind of crave a little bit of popularity. Its this ridiculous dance between holding people at arms length and asking them to come closer.
My introversion and my very real inner narcissist are at odds with one another. Serving to make my loneliness more pronounced...sigh.
Are Infj types always lonesome?
What are creative ways to deal with this feeling?
This dichotomy between the need to be seen and appreciated. To be truly understood. Clashes with the fear of rejection and the fear of being misunderstood. It seems to me that the more I learn about myself as Infj.
I find that the entire construct of the Infj is dynamic opposites.
Perhaps part of the reason the type is so rare... but it is not condusive to normal adaptive behavior. Despite my decent IQ I flail socially.
And due to the introverted intuition that is constantly generating possibilities mixed with the J type perfectionism I am in this paralyzing gridlock of inaction. Its killing me inside as I seem to be watching the world and all of its dreams and possibilities floating away.
It sounds hauntingly familiar to depression. But I've been depressed and it isn't depression, and overall I am not currently depressed. Though if I can't find a balance it could be very depressing.
How can an unhealthy Infj find new balance?